The Last Chemo

Imagine the title of this post said by one of the dodo birds from Ice Age…you know, the way they say “the last melon.” Ok, so maybe I’m a little crazy.

Today is my last chemo. I’ve got about 15 minutes left and then I’m done!! I will keep on the 3 week schedule for the Herceptin until September, I believe, since that’s when I started. But that’ll be a cakewalk, only about 30 minutes.

The hard part will be over soon (in about 2 weeks, after I’ve gotten sick from this cycle and then well again).

I’m tired and not looking forward to feeling sick in a few days, but other than that, I feel good. I’m excited even.

So next up is Neulasta tomorrow, then my Herceptin day in three weeks, and then my lumpectomy. I’ll talk more about the lumpectomy and surgery stuff in another post.

I was solo at chemo today. Brad had to work since he took time off for our trip to Florida, so my parents dropped me off this morning. My mom would have stayed, but it’s honestly so boring here for visitors, so I told her she didn’t have to. They’ll be back to pick me up shortly.

A woman was sitting sort of across from me today, maybe in her 30s. I don’t know her diagnosis, or the drugs she’s on as part of her treatment, but she was hit with some of the nasty reactions/side effects today. They had to stop her treatment. It made me thankful for my body, and the fact that it has tolerated so much of the junk we’ve put it through. Sure, my liver still isn’t pleased with the chemo and my GI tract hates me, but all in all, I’ve done pretty darn well. My side effects have been almost entirely manageable, I’ve been able to function when I’ve had to…I look at what she went through and realized I could have had it so much worse. Imagine if I’d felt nasty sick every cycle while receiving treatment? Not being able to receive the full treatment? I can’t.

Anyway, I’ve got a few things on deck for future posts, so stay tuned!

Duh… (& hot flashes)

I spent a few minutes today looking for my phone that was in my hand. I was at chemo, and wanted to post something snarky, but by the time I found my phone (smh), I forgot what I wanted to say. So I figured I’d just say: “Hey! Today is my second to last chemo treatment! Woohoo!” Then I forgot to post it…

The chemo brain is strong with this one!

Aside from that, I’m doing well but super tired!

I may have mentioned that my liver numbers were a little high at my last chemo appointment. Well, they’re still a little high. So Dr YB reduced my taxotere dosage, as that can sometimes be a side effect. So we’ll see if that changes how I feel this cycle since taxotere is the nasty one. It would be nice since Christmas falls right smack in my bad week, so it would be cool to feel not as bad.

It was a long day, but I chatted with my recliner neighbor and listened to a book on tape, then did some word games and puzzle books. Tomorrow I’ll go for my Neulasta shot, and I don’t have to go for one week labs next week since my white and red cell counts have remained well throughout treatment. Score! One less thing to do the week of Christmas!!

After the Neulasta shot, the next thing I have to do is chemo on January 8th!

Oh! And I did talk to them about the evil hot flashes. Since my liver numbers are rising, the doc didn’t want to add any news meds to the ever growing cocktail I already have, as that can make those numbers worse. As it is, post-chemo I’m taking meds for: heartburn, nausea, and diarrhea, plus a steroid and Claritin for the Neulasta bone pain. And then I have other meds to take for more random symptoms that may pop up. It’s bananas, but I get it. So I’ll deal with the hot flashes. They’re a result of the hormones, since I’m basically in an induced menopause. Once I come off the chemo on January 8th, I’ll be continuing some hormone maintenance stuff until September. So once the chemo stops and the side effects slow down and those liver numbers go back up, we can look at treating the hot flashes.

I can’t really complain, I mean I’ve finally found fixes for most of what I’m experiencing, except the fatigue, lightheadedness, and hot flashes. It could be worse!

Ok, I’m going to crash! Have a great evening!!

4 down, 2 to go!

The finish line is near! I should have chemo again December 18 and then January 8th, and then I’ll be done.

Yesterday was good. Same old, same old. I feel pretty good today. Don’t want to jinx anything so that’s all I’ll say.

The counts for my liver were a little higher than last time. Could be the chemo, could be the two glasses of wine I had last week, could be the fatty foods. We’ll watch it and I’ll get back on track. I really just let myself go hog wild last week for the holiday, and I don’t regret it one bit. I had a great time and enjoyed the heck out of food.

I’m currently hanging out in the waiting room, getting ready for my Neulasta shot. Then I have to head down to campus to meet my professor to see where I’m at and what he thinks I can do as far as finishing the course, and whether I’ll be able to start the second course in the sequence in January. I sure hope so. Of course, I also have to deal with surgeries in the Spring and Summer semesters. What a pain in the neck!!

And speaking of pains in the neck…I so badly need to visit the chiropractor!!

That’s all for now! Shot time.

Good news!!

Sorry for the radio silence over the last week or so. I haven’t had anything new to report since the bronchitis. I’ve just been laying low, getting well, and enjoying my good days.

I had my ultrasound with Dr. JB today, as well as my consult with the plastic surgeon, Dr. H.

First we did the surgical consult and talked about the lumpectomy, mastectomy and reconstruction stuff. Now remember, I’m not a medical professional and may not use the correct terminology here, but hopefully you’ll get the gist of it.

The lumpectomy would take place about 2-3 weeks after my last chemo treatment (Jan 8). Recovery would be about a week, I believe it’s an outpatient procedure.

About 3 months after that is when the mastectomy and reconstruction would take place. This would involve about a 5 day hospital stay and about 6 weeks of recovery. As I mentioned in a previous post, they can use belly fat (which would be my choice over artificial implants), which would essentially add a tummy-tuck to the procedure. Using belly fat eliminates the need to return to the plastic surgeon in a few years to have the implants/spacers replaced. Dr. H talked about what he’d do, and that includes transplanting arteries to keep the fat tissue alive when they move it to the breast. They also transplant a piece of skin attached to the fat, sort of a lemon shape, that will stay on the outside of the breast and be monitored to make sure the tissue stays alive. I guess if that skin dies, it’s an indication that the tissue has died as well. After a certain amount of time (I don’t remember what he said), they’ll remove that skin from the outside. Please see my horrible drawing below, which is sort of like Dr. H’s drawing at the appointment today. That’s what it would look like when the skin is there, after they remove the skin, it would just be a line-like scar in that same place.

So, the options are still just the lumpectomy, lumpectomy and a single mastectomy, or lumpectomy and a double mastectomy. The lumpectomy alone leaves me with the highest risk of new cancer in either breast, and recurrence of the existing cancer in the right breast. Single mastectomy reduces the risk of new cancer in that breast, but doesn’t eliminate it, and does nothing to reduce the risk in the other breast. Double mastectomy reduces the risk of new cancer in both breasts significantly, but also doesn’t eliminate it entirely.

So, regardless of what I choose to do, there’s still going to be risk. It’s likely I will face this again in the future, but we’re talking many many years into the future when it’s possible there’s some new and (hopefully) less evasive treatment.

So after the surgery talk was over, we did the ultrasound.

And…drumroll please…

There was nothing there!! The cancer is gone!

Yes, we can still feel JP, but he’s not showing up on the ultrasound, which means he’s blending with the other we can also feel that he’s much smaller than he was in the beginning. He was very apparent on the first ultrasound, so this is great news!

I still have three rounds of chemo left, the next one being Monday after my little break for Thanksgiving. Why more chemo if the cancer is gone? Because it will grow back. So before they do the lumpectomy, they want to shrink everything as much as they can so they can get the best margins.

Lots of information today, lots for me to think about. But today we’re celebrating that I kicked cancer’s ass. 😉

Two Days Post Chemo And I’m Feeling Good!

I’m so afraid saying that “out loud” will jinx it, but I’m just so darn excited! 

I usually feel weird the day after chemo. Last cycle I was up all night the night of chemo. That isn’t how it’s been so far this time. I have been sleeping fine. I don’t feel weird. Brain fog hasn’t set in. I feel, dare I say it, normal.

When I went for my Neulasta shot yesterday, I even told the MA that if it hadn’t been for the drowsiness of the Benadryl the day of chemo, I’d swear the IV wasn’t connected on Monday and I got no drugs at all. 

Maybe my body is getting more and more used to it? That would be great, especially if “hell week” isn’t as much he’ll as it has been the previous two cycles. Would be nice to not be out of commission all week!

Again, I totally don’t want to jinx it, but it’s hard not to get excited! I want to feel normal as much as possible and these last couple days have been a blessing!

I have had some constipation and heartburn, which I believe I had last cycle, and are nothing to complain about versus the other side effects I’m usually feeling right about now. Pepto and mints are alleviating some of that. My appetite is totally fine, and my energy level has been great! 

So I feel good, and I hope it lasts!

Two Days Post Chemo And I’m Feeling Good!

I’m so afraid saying that “out loud” will jinx it, but I’m just so darn excited! 

I usually feel weird the day after chemo. Last cycle I was up all night the night of chemo. That isn’t how it’s been so far this time. I have been sleeping fine. I don’t feel weird. Brain fog hasn’t set in. I feel, dare I say it, normal.

When I went for my Neulasta shot yesterday, I even told the MA that if it hadn’t been for the drowsiness of the Benadryl the day of chemo, I’d swear the IV wasn’t connected on Monday and I got no drugs at all. 

Maybe my body is getting more and more used to it? That would be great, especially if “hell week” isn’t as much he’ll as it has been the previous two cycles. Would be nice to not be out of commission all week!

Again, I totally don’t want to jinx it, but it’s hard not to get excited! I want to feel normal as much as possible and these last couple days have been a blessing!

I have had some constipation and heartburn, which I believe I had last cycle, and are nothing to complain about versus the other side effects I’m usually feeling right about now. Pepto and mints are alleviating some of that. My appetite is totally fine, and my energy level has been great! 

So I feel good, and I hope it lasts!

Two Days Post Chemo And I’m Feeling Good!

I’m so afraid saying that “out loud” will jinx it, but I’m just so darn excited! 

I usually feel weird the day after chemo. Last cycle I was up all night the night of chemo. That isn’t how it’s been so far this time. I have been sleeping fine. I don’t feel weird. Brain fog hasn’t set in. I feel, dare I say it, normal.

When I went for my Neulasta shot yesterday, I even told the MA that if it hadn’t been for the drowsiness of the Benadryl the day of chemo, I’d swear the IV wasn’t connected on Monday and I got no drugs at all. 

Maybe my body is getting more and more used to it? That would be great, especially if “hell week” isn’t as much he’ll as it has been the previous two cycles. Would be nice to not be out of commission all week!

Again, I totally don’t want to jinx it, but it’s hard not to get excited! I want to feel normal as much as possible and these last couple days have been a blessing!

I have had some constipation and heartburn, which I believe I had last cycle, and are nothing to complain about versus the other side effects I’m usually feeling right about now. Pepto and mints are alleviating some of that. My appetite is totally fine, and my energy level has been great! 

So I feel good, and I hope it lasts!

Chemo Brain Is For The Birds

I’ll be doing something and forget what I’m doing. I’ll be talking to someone and just trail off. My reflexes and reaction times suck, one of the reasons I stay home from work during hell week – no one needs to be on the road with my chemo brain behind the wheel.

I can’t concentrate enough to read, even for pleasure. Same with writing, just can’t put the thoughts together. 

It was better this last cycle, and I think that had something to do with taking a lower dose of steroids. But it still wasn’t great. I was just less lightheaded and spacey, but still a bit of a spaz. 

So funny story, sort of. 

Background: I forget to do stuff. All. The. Time. When I was home during my last hell week, every day I told myself “do this, do that.” I never did it because I never remembered. Simple stuff, too, like checking the mail or pulling meat out to thaw. So I finally made a list so I wouldn’t forget. Worked like a charm. 

Back to the sort of funny story…the other day I went to the grocery store…without a list! I was so incredibly lost. I went there with the specific purpose of getting ingredients for sliders. I spent a really long time shopping for fruit, browsing the ice cream, texting my BFF, and wandering around trying to remember what went on the sliders. Each slider had like three ingredients, and it just wouldn’t compute. I wish I’d been wearing my FitBit because I bet I logged some serious steps in there from walking back and forth across the store.

Moral of the story, make a list! Always make a list! 

The Cost of Chemo

I’ve debated talking about costs for a little while now. I may have mentioned something back when I was having the scans done, about how expensive an MRI or a CT scan were, but I didn’t want to make it seem like I was looking for sympathy or a hand-out. I’m not. I have insurance, good insurance, that is covering my medical expenses. I’ve had to pay some towards the deductible and co-pays, but it’s such a small percentage of the entire cost of my treatment.

It’s kind of funny because when I enrolled in my husband’s health insurance plan, I complained about the monthly cost. We’re basically paying the monthly premium, without a discount, for me to be added to the company plan. It’s not terrible, especially since Brad’s coverage is free as an employee. While it is still more than we’ve ever paid for the two of us to have insurance, it’s really not that bad and I know there are people out there who have it much, much worse. I just had one of those “holy crap” moments when I saw the dollar amount and griped about it for a minute. We all like our payroll deductions to be at a minimum, you know?

Anyway…I just received the EOB (explanation of benefits) from my insurance provider for my first chemo cycle. This includes the two chemo drugs, two hormones, pre-meds, doctor visit, nurse care, labs, and the immune shot that I get in a cycle. Different people, different cancers, have different cocktails, providers, protocols, etc. so the cost isn’t the same for everyone – some may be higher, some may be lower.

So the amount billed to my insurance for my first chemo cycle, the items mentioned above, was $57,000.

Let’s put that into perspective for a moment…the median annual household income in the United States in 2016 was $56,516. Yeah. I racked up that expense in one day.

I’m having six rounds of chemo. That’s around $342,000 total (future treatments may be less since the first round did include a loading dose, so I’ll update when I get the next EOB).

And that’s just the cost of the chemotherapy treatment (one of the chemo drugs alone is $21K!). That’s not including all the diagnostic scans I had done in the beginning. It does not include the port surgery. It’s not including the six week ultrasounds and echo cardiograms. It doesn’t include surgery to remove the mass, should I need it. It’s not including the hormone therapy I’ll need over the 34 weeks following the chemo. It doesn’t include the surgery to remove the port once I’m done. That’s just the chemo.

That’s just…wow.

I am so thankful I have insurance that’s covering this. I can’t imagine the struggle for people without insurance. I’m sure there are programs out there for those individuals, but they still have to worry about it. I don’t have to worry about it, and I’m grateful for that.

When I started this journey. I had no idea how much all this would cost. I assumed it would be expensive, but I didn’t know how expensive. I didn’t know the cost of a scan, let alone chemo. I went into it blind, knowing that I had insurance that would at least cover some of the expense, and I’d find a way to cover the rest. It was cancer for crying out loud, I’d start selling off the good body parts to pay for the damn treatment. One of the financial counselors at my oncologist’s office applied for some funding for me to help with some of the out of pocket expenses for treatment, it was for five thousand dollars, and she said that when that ran out (if granted), there were more funds to apply to. I remember asking her if the chemo was going to cost more than what the grant was for. Ha. I had no clue! No clue at all. And I never asked, because I honestly didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to have something else to be anxious about.

So yeah. There you have it. ‘And I’d thought the scans were expensive…

Things to note:

1. Yes, my insurance was billed for that amount, but because of the agreements insurances have with medical providers, there are allowable amounts and all that stuff I don’t understand, so the amount my insurance would pay (and what would be extended to me had I not already met all my maxes this year) is less than that.
2. This isn’t a complaint post. I’m not complaining. The treatment is working. JP is shrinking. I can’t wait to see how much smaller he is on the ultrasound next week!

Hello darkness my old friend…

Let me start by saying I’m using that lyric in reference to the original song, not the remake. Mmmkay?

So yeah, it’s that part of the cycle again.

I feel cruddy. My body is sore, my throat is a little sore and tight, my head hurts, I’m tired, etc. Waa waa waa. I don’t want to read or write, so I’m just laying in my bed and occasionally listening to books on tape. I’m bored, but don’t really have enough strength or brain power to do anything productive, which sucks because there’s a lot I could be doing for school and around the house. I finally reconciled my bank account yesterday after about a week, that was fun. I hate falling behind.

I’m hungry, and so far I’ve been able to eat. I get nauseated, but that’s what the Zofran is for. I learned what I could tolerate last cycle, so we stocked up this time. I had Campbell’s chicken and dumpling soup yesterday, the kind in the plastic microwaveable bowl, and it was wonderful. Today I had oatmeal, this time the fruit and cream variety, not the plain cardboard type. It was good. Then I had macaroni and cheese for lunch – a Kraft microwaveable bowl. Not all the healthiest of selections, I know, but I’m managing with what I can. I had a sandwich yesterday with meat, veggies and avocados, so my system seems to be allowing some variety, I just don’t always have the umf to make it fresh. I can also tolerate water better this time around, more so than the Crystal Light that was my saving grace last time. It’s so weird how things flip and flop like that.

Things that are particularly annoying: sounds. Phone ringing, door bell, text tones, dog barking, etc. It’s making me quite irritable, which I’m sure is just pleasant given all my charming characteristics as of late.

Brad has been a real trooper. He’s always been super tolerant of me, but he should get an award after this, even though he’d deny deserving it. “Can you get me this?” “Never mind, not this, that.” “I realize you worked all week and weekend, but I want popsicles.” “I left my puzzle book in the other room.” “Has Daisy been outside?” “I want a popsicle, but a good flavor.” His personal assistant job description does include criteria about mind reading, FYI. And he does it all without whining about it AND giving me compliments, which I’m not so sure I’d manage if the roles were reversed. I’m tired from doing nothing, so I’m sure he’s exhausted.

So kudos to the cancer spouses, caregivers, parents, children, siblings, etc. Your job is hard, too. Really hard.

What else is new? Well, the diarrhea is back. That started around 1:00am last night and continued every couple hours throughout the night. It stopped around 11:00am, I think. Then happened once again since, but it at least seems to have slowed down. I’m taking in fluids and took Pepto, so hopefully we’re on the upside of that, though after last cycle it’s anybody’s guess. I’m doing my best to stay horizontal and not jostle anything.

I mentioned nausea…that’s been pretty persistent, and I wonder if it’s because I’m eating more and trying to be a little more active? The medicine helps, so I can’t complain, but it’s definitely more present this cycle than last.

My tastes haven’t completely become shot just yet, and I’ve been able to taste what I eat, but I do have that horrible taste in my mouth. Yuck. I need some peppermints, the red and white ones, you know? Those seem to help. (*cough*Brad*cough*) The blue and green ones are too close to mouthwash right now, and my gag reflex is ready!

Daisy has had enough of my boring self. She keeps looking at me and sighing these big huffy sighs. Like, “Come on, ma. Get up. Watch me roll on the floor. Watch me chew my foot. Watch me scratch.” She’s just not used to me being home and doesn’t know what to do with herself, or me.

Whoa is her.

But anyway, I’m on the flip side! I should be feeling pretty good by the weekend, so I’m looking forward.

Tomorrow I have labs, so we’ll see how I’m doing, and maybe if I’m feeling like garbage I’ll get some fluids while I’m there. Next Friday, the 27th, I have my six week echocardiogram to see how my heart is doing with all the poison. Then, after that, I’ll have an ultrasound of JP to see what’s happening there.

I think I’m going to crawl out of bed and get a popsicle. 🙃